Fizzy Belgian lambic beer becomes the base of this sparkly adult slurpee, with a stiff slap to the ass from a couple of shots of 99 Blackberries. It’s like a hooker with a glittery muffin – sparkly, dangerous and meant to be plowed with reckless abandon.
Dirty Girls Kitchen
Celebrate National Poultry Day by getting your birdie extra good and dirty. Luscious lemon, capers and artichokes join the orgy that is Chicken Piccata in this simple, weeknight supper. Yes, we just said supper.
In celebration of National Tempura Day, let me tell you what is hot – deep fried vegetarianism. It’s a covert vegetable operation that your guests will thank you for.
Sometimes you have a dish of food in front of you so fucking sexy, you want to sop it up with a biscuit. Or in the case of this recipe, a big ol’ piece of crumbly, moist cornbread. This recipe kicks the shit out of regular Jiffy Cornbread Mix (yup, the little blue box of stuff) with the addition of whole kernel corn and roasted chiles.
I can not lie. I shall not lie. I love good food, but to the kitchen I shall not be tied. I want it delicious- I want it fast. So I can get on...
A riff on the term “side hustle,” this dirty fuckfest of grilled cheesery is dedicated to Eve, who said that a side hustle reminded her of a mile long dipping station to be used with an orgy of grilled cheese sandwiches, cut into tea sandwich sized bites. Say what you will about, Eve, but that bitch is creative as fuck. And an expert at planning an orgy.
If you’re gonna do the dew in this luscious, asian-inspired wing sauce, kick shit up with tried and true partners of sticky sweet with garlic, lemongrass and chilies. Top with sesame seeds and feast like the king of the mountain that you are. Because no one is going to fucking dew you unless you give consent.
I’m a prideful lass, but when I’m on a bender and practically licking the gutter for a taste of something dirty, I want fried chicken strips. And these are no ordinary chicken strips. Sweet, salty, spicy – a girl can never have too much of…everything.
This sugary, candied apple gets its bite from whiskey and fire from cloves and ginger, a scintillating concoction that’ll help get you hot and ready for any trouble coming your way. Lose the skivvies quick, because this punch literally feels like rolling around naked on a bearskin rug in a rugged mountain lodge.
Sweet and sparkly and creamy…like Cinder-fuckin-rella good! Using a technique popularized by the Jewish deli favorite, the vanilla egg cream, this Sugar Walls cocktail combines Bailey’s Irish Cream with Absolut Vanilla Vodka and the non-acidic club soda for bubbles without the equivalent of a glass of cottage cheese.
Like a pretty pink nipple just waiting to be licked, this perfect Pomegranate Lemon Drop looks sweet but is full of danger. Fresh lemon juice brings the pucker to the party, but if you can’t stand any sweetness whatsoever, replace the sugar in that rim job with crushed chilies and salt. Sugar and salt and spice, oh my!
Make this spiced beef tenderloin with pork if you like. When you rub chipotle hollandaise all over the place, it doesn’t matter what protein you invite to be the star of the show. Everyone will be coming. Repeatedly.
This Brazilian cocktail made of fermented sugarcane called cachaça is our savior after a long day. We turn to a caipirinha to ease us into happy hour, with sugar and lime serving as cachaça’s fluffer before filming the money shot.
If you know how to go balls deep like a pro, everyone will come in your kitchen. Turkey meatballs florentine, that is.