Ageists, step to the side - who says that an old banana can't be the sweetest thing you've ever put in your mouth? With a luxe combination of bananas, butter, brown sugar and booze, this recipe proves the naysayers wrong. Dead wrong.
What Constitutes a Dirty Kitchen?
So you’re feelin’ us. You totally get the vibe. You really, really, really want more. But there’s that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that is making you hesitate. And it’s all because of that pesky word “dirty” – how can food be delicious if it’s crafted in a place that’s filthy?
First things first, dirty refers to our attitude and not the space we work in. Granted, we’re known to muss up a sinkful of dishes as well as a mess of bedsheets on a Sunday morning. But as for the actual prep space, we like things spic and span…*cue retro commercial of me literally gliding across the floor with an A line skirt, pearls and a mop* We pine for a kitchen that inspires the same warm and tinglies down south as new car smell or a fresh-out-of-the-box pair of fuck me pumps.
Our prep space is so important to us, we consider it to be our third partner – we’d traipse down the aisle for our appliances, gadgets and tools any day of the week (which is more than we’d say for all of the questionable fuckups *cough* hookups in our lives). Outfitting your own dirty kitchen isn’t hard – it just takes a few essentials to help the cooking fly by and leave you to the best part of eating.
Can’t Live Without
Were I to ever lose any of the following, my panties would be in a serious bind.[note color=”#dedede”]FOOD PROCESSOR
Chopping can be cathartic, but really it’s for the OCD and suckers who wander into the kitchen musing, “What can I help you with?” When you’re all by your lonesome and you don’t have a rube to goad into finely mincing 10 cups of onions, your food processor will save your ass. Not to mention keep you from crying away your Christian Dior eyeliner. I’m partial to my CuisineArt as the motor on that thing never dies. And we all know a good motor is well worth having handy.[/note] [note color=”#dedede”]STANDING MIXER
Not to get all philosophical, but if your hands are the keys to pleasure, don’t you want to free them for the best sorts of trouble imaginable? A standing mixer does all sorts of blending and beating for you, liberating you to handle beating off more in the kitchen. Plus, a few key attachments will have you making fresh pasta, creamy gelato or homemade sausage like a pro. And we all know you love a good sausage. I like KitchenAid a whole lot – mine pulls to the left when it mixes, but I don’t judge.[/note] [note color=”#dedede”]A SERIOUS BLENDER
Sure, your Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville model has gotten you laid more times than you can count, but I’m talking about a real fucking blender. Like a VitaPrep that can crush pennies as well as it can coax pureed parsnips into a soup so luxe, it’s begging to be kissed by truffle oil and then eaten with your fingers because a spoon takes too long. I see your eyes of judgement, but I could give two shits. You know you want it.[/note] [note color=”#dedede”]A LEGIT KNIFE KIT
Everyone needs a set of knives that will be their fallback friend, from deboning to filleting to shanking. Knife skills are certainly honed, but having good tools to begin with goes a long way. Not to mention finding a set that fits your grip – knives come in all shapes and sizes, and wielding anything bigger than you can handle is detrimental to your health.[/note]
I don’t jones for these like a crackhead as I do with the appliances above, but they are in HEAVY rotation in the Dirty Girls Kitchen.
- Microplane for zesting citrus, ginger, garlic and nutmeg
- Mandolin for paper thin slices of root veggies or hard cheeses. A handheld one is good for a small investment
- Meat thermometer for taking the guessing out of roasting
- Candy thermometer for deep fat frying or making candy or crack. Actually, I’m not entirely sure how you make crack. But I do know that making toffee requires a thermometer, so I have one.
- Kitchen shears and/or poultry shears for making easy work of bones, roasts and pesky shrink wrap.
- Chinois or fine mesh strainer for fielding and removing lumps and bits. Lumps are for losers.
- French press for making caffeinating look sexy. Plus you can steep all sorts of substances in that bad boy.
- A gorgeous box to hold takeout menus for when you fuck dinner up beyond all recognition.