Ageists, step to the side - who says that an old banana can't be the sweetest thing you've ever put in your mouth? With a luxe combination of bananas, butter, brown sugar and booze, this recipe proves the naysayers wrong. Dead wrong.
Starstruck Nibbles for a Dirty Girl Academy Awards Party Menu
Cook ‘Til You’re Seeing Stars
It’s hard to put down the haterade watching the Academy Awards. All of those emaciated bitties poured into those itty-bitty gowns and dripping with jewels makes me feel one thing more than jealousy…hunger.
I have NO desire to be a size two, which is good since the last time I saw that number it was my age. I like my curves and these recipes are going to prove it, baby.
Bettie Page would be proud. She was so gorgeous, I actually see stars when I look at her.
I would give my left tit (but probably not my right one) to go back in time to those days. The glamour, the simmering sex and the fact that people who were a size two were hospitalized.
You’re right, Eve! Strap on a corset or a pinafore and frilly knickers to pose for a painting by Alberto Vargas or Gil Elvgren, or eat so little that you look like you’ve got fucking consumption.
I love that our fans eat with a brazen passion that lets them laugh at those crazy bitches who can’t eat.
Cheers to them! Hopefully, they are enjoying these easy-to-throw-together nibbles and watching the stars teeter down the red carpet on those matchstick ankles. Because we sure as shit are doing that too. Bottoms up!
Spinach and White Cheddar Cups
2 tbs. of butter
1 tbs. of olive oil
1 shallot, minced
1/2 of an onion, minced
20 oz. of frozen chopped spinach, defrosted and squeezed dry
3/4 c. of cream
1 c. of shredded white cheddar, shredded
1/4 tsp. of white pepper
1/8 tsp. of nutmeg
1/2 tsp. of salt
2 puff pastry sheets, thawed
Preheat the oven to 375°. Melt the butter and olive oil together in a skillet over medium heat. Add the shallots and onions and cook until translucent. Add the spinach and cook until warm. Add the cream to stop the cooking and take off the heat. Let cool slightly and then stir in the cheddar, white pepper, nutmeg, salt and 2 eggs. Grab a large muffin tin and the puff pastry. Cut the sheets into oversized squares large enough to cover the inside of the muffin wells. Press the puff pastry into the muffin tin and fill with the spinach mixture. Bake until golden, about 30 minutes. Let cool slightly and then serve.
Olive Tapenade and Goat Cheese Crostini
1 c. of black olives
1 1/c c. of green olives
1 tbs. of capers
6 stems of fresh thyme, leaves removed and stems discarded
4 stems of fresh parsley, leaves removed and stems discarded (save for stock!)
juice of 1/2 a lemon
1 tbs. of red wine vinegar
1 cl. of garlic
1 anchovy fillet
1/3 c. of olive oil
1/4 tsp. of crushed red pepper
toasted baguette or crackers
Chop all ingredients finely to form a chunky paste in a food processor – first, add the garlic, thyme, parsley and anchovy and pulse until chopped. Next, add the olives and capers and pulse until chopped. Lastly, add the lemon, vinegar, oil and red pepper and pulse one last time.
Spread a thin layer of goat cheese on the baguette slices and then top with a tablespoon of the tapenade. Munch away.
Prosciutto-Wrapped Shrimp Skewers
2 lbs. of jumbo shrimp, peeled and deveined
1/2 c. of olive oil
1 shallot, minced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
1/2 tsp. of black pepper
1/4 tsp. of salt
1 tbs. of fresh rosemary, minced
1/4 lb. of prosciutto slices
Put the shrimp in a small bowl with the olive oil, shallot, lemon zest and juice, black pepper, salt and rosemary and mix well. Marinate in the fridge for at least 15 minutes. Heat a grill or a broiler. Wrap each piece of shrimp in prosciutto and thread on a skewer. Grill or broil shrimp for 2 minutes per side. Serve hot.