Ageists, step to the side - who says that an old banana can't be the sweetest thing you've ever put in your mouth? With a luxe combination of bananas, butter, brown sugar and booze, this recipe proves the naysayers wrong. Dead wrong.
Sweet Pea Mint Bruschetta and Mulled Wine
How a Dirty Girl Stays Warm
If Eric Ripert were doing tequila shots in the nude, my lady bits would be on atomic. There’s nothing dead in this girl, but he would set on fire.
Well, he’s not fucking here and we are both hungry and sober so let’s rectify this situation ASAP. What have we got? Slim pickings…some shit wine that our no-longer-friends gave us and a bag of frozen peas. With friends like those, a dirty girl could be driven to homicide.
Oh, for the love of shitty wine, who the fuck brought us this? I’d rather they bring a bag of frozen peas, which is a coincidence since we’re using that too today.
Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something? Since it’s winter and sangria’s not an appropriate option to save this abomination of a bottle of wine, we should mull it with spicy goodness. And for the peas, what about some mint, olive oil and mascarpone for a quick snackity snack.
Stop with the mystical universe shit – the only thing speaking to me is my deep desire to be satiated with booze and food, even if the peas are frozen, which is only rectified by the addition of other ingredients.
That and your deep desire to have Eric Ripert play your pony for a day for a ride to love town. I’m glad we’re focusing on the doable things today. Well, actually, he’s pretty doable, so that’s not the right adjective.
I know he can quench my deepest….desires. On second thought, I’m gonna need those frozen veggies to cool down.
2 bottles of shit red wine
2 shots of brandy or cognac
1 tbs. of whole cloves
4 allspice berries
2 whole peppercorns
4 whole star anise
2 cinnamon sticks
1/2 c. of honey
Pour your wine into a large pot and place over low heat. Add the cognac and brandy to the pot, and take an extra swig for the common good. Wrap the cloves, allspice, peppercorns, anise and cinnamon in cheesecloth, tie and add to the pot. Using a vegetable or Y peeler, cut the zest from the orange and lemon in lengths, trying to get as little of the white pith as possible. Throw the zest into the pot. Last, stir in the honey. Allow to come to a simmer, but do not allow to boil, and let cook for about 15-20 minutes. Serve warm.
Sweet Pea and Mint Bruschetta
10 oz. of frozen peas
1 clove of garlic
1 c. of water
1/4 c. of olive oil
1/2 c. of mascarpone
2 sprigs of mint
5 sprigs of parsley, leaves removed and stems discarded (save stems for stock)
1 tbs. of parmesan cheese
salt and black pepper
Put the peas, garlic and water in a pot and cook until tender, about 2-3 minutes. Drain and rinse with water to cool.
To your food processor, add the peas, garlic, olive oil, mascarpone, mint, parsley, parmesan, salt and pepper. Pulse until smooth. Remove to a tupperware and chill. Serve spread on grilled bread or crackers and drizzled with good olive oil.
Psst: we used Persian Lime Olive Oil on this bruschetta and it blew our hijabs right off!