Smother Your Sausage With Love
Eve and I have had a balls to the wall these past few days, so while she patches herself up from the rough and tumble, fucked up the ass (and not in the fun way) week she’s had, I thought I would take this one solo. And I have to say, when I’m feeling languid, lusty and looking for comfort, I want the melty, cheesy goodness that only pizza can provide. An intimate affair of the best kind.
But what’s a romantic tryst without a little meat in you? Scarcely a tryst at all. I treat my body right with a menage a trois of sausage, baby spinach and shaved red onion, and rather than any of that thin crust malarkey, I leverage store-bought pizza dough and plenty of unctuous olive oil to make a DIY focaccia as my crust. This is the kind of cooking that’s so lazy, it barely requires wearing pants. Just make sure you’re careful when you pull the pizza out of the oven, lest you burn your lady bits. In fact, assemble this baby and then get whatever toy you’ve just ridden to retrieve the pizza from the oven, and habe him grab a nice Barolo from the wine cellar on the way. With dirty days like the ones we’ve just had, you’ll need all the help you can get.
Focaccia Pizza with Homemade Fennel Sausage
1 lb. of ground pork
1 1/2 tps. of garlic salt
1/2 tsp. of dried basil
1/4 tsp. of ground anise
1 tbs. of fennel seeds
1/4 tsp. of black pepper
1/4 c. of olive oil, plus more for drizzling
2 lbs. of pizza dough
kosher salt and pepper
1/4 c. of thinly shaved red onion
10-15 baby spinach leaves
1 c. of shredded mozzarella
3 tbs. of parmesan
crushed red pepper
Preheat the oven to 400°. Grab a bowl and dump in the pork, garlic salt, basil, ground anise (try to say that 10 times fast and not sound like your looking for some ass play), fennel seeds and black pepper. Use a fork to blend well so you don’t fuck up your manicure.
Pour the olive oil into the bottom of a 13x9x2 inch pan and spread around like Eve on a dock with the seamen come to port. Kidding. They come to her. Put the dough in the pan and stretch to cover the whole thing. Cover with a towel and place on top of the oven. Let the dough rise for about 20 minutes on the warm stove.
Whip off the towel and finger your dough, poking holes in rows about an inch apart. Drizzle with some olive oil, sprinkle some salt and pepper on top, and pop in the oven for 15 minutes, or until the surface is puffy and dry. Take the focaccia out and drizzle with some more olive oil. Top with the mozzarella, spinach and red onion. Use a teaspoon to drop dollops of the sausage mix all over the crust – you’ll want about 10-12 dollops. You won’t use all the meat for the pizza, but you can use the rest of the sausage to make some delicious fucking pork meatballs.
Turn the broiler on your oven to high. Put the pizza under the broiler and let brown up until the sausage is fully cooked and the spinach and onions wilt. Remove from the oven and drizzle with even more olive oil. Because everyone knows that anything that is lubed up is totally delicious.
Cut into squares and eat until you don’t feel so empty inside anymore.
Some Delicious Fucking Pork Meatballs
Mix the pork filling above with a 1/4 c. of grated parmesan, 1/2 c. of bread crumbs and two eggs. Roll into balls and place on a greased cookie sheet or rack. Broil for 5 minutes on each side and then toss with your fave sauce. Or eat them naked. Whatever floats your boat.