(We Like to) Fuck the French Salade Nicoise
You know those days when you are so fucking surly that having clothes on your body makes you want to have a fit? Well, today is one of those days. I want to be naked and feasting on something light and lovely.
Ah, cherie, Spring is in the air. I hear Paris is lovely this time of year, but I never made it out of my inordinately ornate hotel room when I was there. Except to sneak off into the dark night with a gloriously random, random.
Was that the trip that you had a sausage or a baguette in your hand every waking moment? You know what? I don’t want to know. But what I do want to know, since you are so fucking french, is how to make a proper salade nicoise. Because I want a face full of tuna right now, and I’m not talking about eating at the Y for dinner.
In my hand? For clarification, just because I’m fucking (the) French, doesn’t make me French. The DNA isn’t transferable, even in France. And my name is simply lovely, the French connection is pure coincidence.
Well aren’t you a font of knowledge. So then I guess we’re on our own then, breaking all the rules with a sharp pair of kitchen knives and stilettos.
I can, however, make a Salad Nicoise. One that makes the French (and David Lebovitz) shudder and everyone else gleeful. “Fuck the French.” That’s what I say.
That’s what you say and you do what you say. It’s why I love you. Now go make me my fucking salad.
Salad Nicoise with Roasted Olives and Tarragon
1/4 c. of tarragon leaves
juice of 1 lemon
1/4 c olive oil
1/4 c vegetable oil
1/4 tsp. of white pepper
salt to taste
2 lbs of yukon gold potatoes
4 tbs. of chopped chives (plus more for garnish)
enough green beans for a gallon ziploc bag
2/3 c. of olives
1/4 c. of olive oil
1 clove of minced garlic
zest of one lemon
a pinch of black pepper
1 pt. of cherry tomatoes
12 oz. of albacore tuna (the pouch kind is nice and needs no draining)
1 jar of capers, drained
1 container of mixed greens
Make the dressing worth fawning over, dahling. Do not skip the anchovies, unlike most men, they pack so much flavor into their little selves. 3 anchovies, 1/4 c. of tarragon, 1 lemon, 1 egg, 1/4 c olive oil, 1/4 c oil, pepper in a blender and whip until creamy.
Bring pot of eggs to a hot and sexy boil, turn off heat and let sit for 8 minutes. Let cool and peel. Quarter and set aside.
Slice 2 lbs of those rebellious potatoes into 1/2 in thick rounds. Boil until tender, drain and run under cool water. Toss with chopped chives and dressing.
Trim green beans and nuke (yes, we allow you to nuke, something else the French would never allow) for 4 minutes in a ziplock bag. Shock in ice water. Toss in dressing.
Toss 2/3 c. of olives in 1/4 c. of olive oil, 1 clove of minced garlic, zest of one lemon and a pinch of black pepper. Roast in the oven on 450 for 15 minutes.
Halve those adorable cherry tomatoes and drizzle with salt, pepper and olive oil. On a giant platter, spread out your mixed greens as a bed for your veggies (even salad nicoise needs a bed to feel sexy). Spread tuna in a row and top with dressing. Make rows of potatoes, green beans, roasted red peppers, eggs, capers and olives. Top with chives and extra dressing and serve.