We Look Ever So Hot Down South
It’s Friday, baby dolls, and I’m not fucking around. I want something that’s going to melt the troubles of the week and my panties in one fell swoop. And on those balmy nights when I’ve got a lilt in my step and a Cheshire Cat grin that lets you know that I’m nothing but trouble, I want cachaça (ka-SHA-suh). This vicious sip of danger is made in Brazil from fermented sugar cane, and makes rum look like a blushing babe compared to cachaça’s potent punch. The first sip warms your cheeks, the next your dirty bits, and soon enough you can’t really feel your toes. Or your inhibitions. Bliss.
But all that heat needs to be harnessed – you’ve got to warm up to a good pounding to make it count. I turn to a caipirinha to ease me into things, and the luscious blend of muddled sugar and fresh limes is like cachaça’s fluffer before filming the money shot. But like I said, this happy hour isn’t about breaking out a sweat making cocktails – we’re gonna need a short cut. And one that I relish (surprisingly so) is a good ol’ can of concentrated limeade from the frozen section of the grocery store. You basically dilute the limeade with cachaça, resulting in a luxe and lovely sip that’ll convince you that clothing is (and always has been) ever so optional. Get ’em!
The Dirtiest Caipirinha
4 oz. of cachaça
2 oz. of limeade (slightly defrosted enough to pour out)
slice of lime
Put the cachaça in a shaker with the limeade. Fill a tumbler full of ice and dump into the shaker. Shake it up, shake it up, shake it, don’t stop. Ok, maybe stop once the outside of the shaker is covered with condensed water droplets (look at me, Ms. Fucking Science Maven), and dump the goodness back into the tumbler. Garnish with a slice of lime and sip ever so lovingly.