Spiced Beef Tenderloin with Chipotle Hollandaise

Spiced Pork Tenderloin

A Date with Raul


Leave it to Eve to not follow a single fucking direction. I wrote her an immaculate recipe on Episode #2 of our podcast for beef tenderloin perfection smothered in unctuous, spicy hollandaise. And what does she do? Trade in the beef for a pork tenderloin. I’m not mad at her. In fact, I’m kind of impressed. She, who claims to not be able to take a good photo, managed to tie up, cook and shoot this sexy length of pork better than a high-budget snuff film. Wait, are there high budget snuff films?

I digress. The moral of the story is do yourself a favor and make some time to rub down whatever tenderloin you can get your dangerous hands on.  Hell, our vegetarian dirty birdies could even make this happen with a “steak” of roasted cauliflower.  When you rub spiced hollandaise all over the place, it doesn’t matter what protein you bring to be the star of the show.  Everyone will be coming.  Repeatedly.

Spiced Beef (or Pork) Tenderloin with Chipotle Hollandaise

1 beef tenderloin, around 5 lbs.
3 tbs. ancho chili powder
2 tbs. of olive oil
1 tbs. ground cumin
1 tsp. oregano
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
2 cloves of garlic, minced
zest of an orange
1 c. of beef stock
1 bottle of Mexican beer (Negro Modelo or Pacifico work well)
2 bay leaves
1 chipotle in adobo (use half for less kick)
1 cl. of garlic, minced
2 egg yolks
3 tsp. of sherry vinegar
1 tsp. of salt
1 stick of butter

Preheat oven to 400.  Grab your hunk of meat and get your S&M on, tying with kitchen twine every 2 inches of length.  Your tenderloin should be compact and ready to roll in spice action.  Massage the tenderloin with the chili powder, olive oil, cumin, oregano, cinnamon, garlic and orange, getting in there so deep that all that’s missing is a happy ending.  Place the tenderloin on a rack over a roasting pan.  Pour your beef stock, beer and bay leaves in the bottom of the pan above the tenderloin.  Roast in the oven for 25 minutes for mooing (how Cass and Eve like it), 30 mins for medium rare (the way to please the masses, or 35 minutes for medium.  Remove from the oven and let the tenderloin take a break.

Make your hollandaise while the meat is resting. Add the chipotle pepper, garlic, egg yolks, sherry vinegar and the salt to a blender.  Blitz to combine in a fury of sexy heat.  In a microwave safe bowl, melt your butter in the microwave (should take a little under a minute).  While the butter is still hot, turn the blender on and open the hopper in the cover (the little hole in the center to feed ingredients into the blender).  Carefully stream the hot butter into the hole until a thick sauce forms – the hot melted butter cooks the egg yolks and forms a zesty hollandaise rich enough to lather all over your face.  You know you want to.

Slice the tenderloin and drizzle with a little of the boozy cooking juices on the bottom of the roasting pan. drag through pools of the spicy hollandaise with finely manicured fingers.  Eat like a total barbarian without a fucking fork, knife or plate, because you slow down for no one.

Cassandra Wellington

A walking contradiction, Cassandra has a philanthropist’s God-complex by day, and a hedonist’s appetite by night. She swears she doesn’t eat KFC and shops organic, but catch her in the wee hours of the morning making out with an everything burrito and then you’ll see right into her soul. Give Cassandra a thousand bucks at 2pm and she will create a revelation for you by way of a nine course gourmet tasting menu. Give her that same amount of cash at 2am and she’ll blow it on tacos, malt liquor and gummi worms. What? Don’t judge.

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