Warm Spiced Apple Punch

Warm Spiced Apple Punch

Sugar Walls: Sugar and Spice Edition from Danny Buchanan


When you come up with recipes to complement your naughty bits (which we do a whole fucking lot around here, if you haven’t noticed), you tend to need a combination of sweet, spicy, tart and strong. So when we received this Warm Spiced Apple Punch recipe for the Sugar Walls Cocktail Competition, we swooned over the seductive combination of spice and heat to warm things up downtown. This sugary, candied apple gets its bite from whiskey and fire from cloves and ginger, a scintillating concoction that’ll help get you hot and ready for any trouble coming your way. Lose the skivvies quick, because this punch literally feels like rolling around naked on a bearskin rug in a rugged mountain lodge.

This drink is from a trio of tipples submitted to the Dirty Girls Kitchen podcast in our Sugar Walls Cocktail Contest. The origin of the term “sugar walls” comes from a Sheena Easton song, allegedly crafted from Prince’s nickname for her vag. This aromatically glorious Warm Spiced Apple Punch, submitted by our dangerously debauched darling, Danny Buchanan, is inspired by Food and Wine’s Gaelic Punch recipe. Spicy, sticky sweetness just like her.

Warm Spiced Apple Punch

Warm Spiced Apple Punch

1 lemon, quartered
whole cloves
sugar in the raw, to taste
1 1/2 c. of boiling water
2 c. of Winter Jack, Crown Royal Gala or similar apple whiskey
crystallized ginger

Push 5-6 cloves into the lemon wedge and drop it into an enormous hug. Add sugar if you’d like. Add boiling water and stir until the sugar dissolves. Take a swig of your whiskey directly from the bottle, and then eyeball 2 cups to add to the mug. Stir to combine, top with crystallized ginger and sip until you are warm and tingly in all the best parts of your gorgeous body.

Cassandra Wellington

A walking contradiction, Cassandra has a philanthropist’s God-complex by day, and a hedonist’s appetite by night. She swears she doesn’t eat KFC and shops organic, but catch her in the wee hours of the morning making out with an everything burrito and then you’ll see right into her soul. Give Cassandra a thousand bucks at 2pm and she will create a revelation for you by way of a nine course gourmet tasting menu. Give her that same amount of cash at 2am and she’ll blow it on tacos, malt liquor and gummi worms. What? Don’t judge.

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