
Ageists, step to the side - who says that an old banana can't be the sweetest thing you've ever put in your mouth? With a luxe combination of bananas, butter, brown sugar and booze, this recipe proves the naysayers wrong. Dead wrong.
A riff on the term “side hustle,” this dirty fuckfest of grilled cheesery is dedicated to Eve, who said that a side hustle reminded her of a mile long dipping station to be used with an orgy of grilled cheese sandwiches, cut into tea sandwich sized bites. Say what you will about, Eve, but that bitch is creative as fuck. And an expert at planning an orgy.
If you’re gonna do the dew in this luscious, asian-inspired wing sauce, kick shit up with tried and true partners of sticky sweet with garlic, lemongrass and chilies. Top with sesame seeds and feast like the king of the mountain that you are. Because no one is going to fucking dew you unless you give consent.
This sugary, candied apple gets its bite from whiskey and fire from cloves and ginger, a scintillating concoction that’ll help get you hot and ready for any trouble coming your way. Lose the skivvies quick, because this punch literally feels like rolling around naked on a bearskin rug in a rugged mountain lodge.
Sweet and sparkly and creamy…like Cinder-fuckin-rella good! Using a technique popularized by the Jewish deli favorite, the vanilla egg cream, this Sugar Walls cocktail combines Bailey’s Irish Cream with Absolut Vanilla Vodka and the non-acidic club soda for bubbles without the equivalent of a glass of cottage cheese.
Like a pretty pink nipple just waiting to be licked, this perfect Pomegranate Lemon Drop looks sweet but is full of danger. Fresh lemon juice brings the pucker to the party, but if you can’t stand any sweetness whatsoever, replace the sugar in that rim job with crushed chilies and salt. Sugar and salt and spice, oh my!
Fizzy Belgian lambic beer becomes the base of this sparkly adult slurpee, with a stiff slap to the ass from a couple of shots of 99 Blackberries. It’s like a hooker with a glittery muffin – sparkly, dangerous and meant to be plowed with reckless abandon.
Make this spiced beef tenderloin with pork if you like. When you rub chipotle hollandaise all over the place, it doesn’t matter what protein you invite to be the star of the show. Everyone will be coming. Repeatedly.
Roasting the plum tomatoes and red onions brings out candy sweetness, and the basil and champagne vinegar kick the shit up a delicious notch. It’s a cuddle and a spanking all at once. My kind of party!
Shit week? You too? Well, let’s not wallow and instead do something about it by tying one on. This sparkler is luscious and juicy with floral notes that’ll tingle you down to your toes. You deserve to feel that good given the insane week you’ve had and we are here to help. Love to love you, little mamas.
Dirty girls are like snowflakes – they come in every shape and size and are best on your tongue. And they each want something special and unique when it comes to romance. No matter how much time you’ve got, or who you’re dishing it out for, we’ve got menus to keep you covered from VD. Valentine’s Day that is.
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