Ageists, step to the side - who says that an old banana can't be the sweetest thing you've ever put in your mouth? With a luxe combination of bananas, butter, brown sugar and booze, this recipe proves the naysayers wrong. Dead wrong.
Dirty Dishes #16: Putting The Cock In Your Tail (Classic Drinks and Dips for a Hellacious Happy Hour)
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Hello Dirty Birdies! Let’s take it back old school to a time when getting shit faced all day long was perfectly acceptable. When no one looked at you cross eyed for operating heavy machinery while you’re three sheets to the wind. We bring out old-school cocktail and hors d’ouvre pairings reminiscent of red-velvet-covered booths in dark-boozy music clubs. This week’s Dial-A-Kitchen-Bitch addresses a question every Dirty Birdie wonders, but doesn’t really want to ask and our best thing on the internet harkens back to the good ‘ole days of recipe cards of unbelievable imagination…but with recipes that should remain in the past. Join us for another week of DGK shenanigans.
Shocking Finds This Week
For all of our retro dirty birdies, being domestic is far better three sheets to the fucking wind. That’s clearly how Donna Reed got it done:
- Unconventional uses for vodka that ALL Dirty Birdies should know.
- Best Thing On The Internet This Week: Bad Jelly Blog
Saucy Recipes from this Episode
The Spicy Clam Slammer (Our Fave Bloody Mary)
3 oz. of clamato juice (NOT tomato juice)
2 oz. of your vodka (Eve says Belvedere, Cass says Grey Goose, but really, they both say whatever the fuck there is)
1 tsp. of horseradish
1 splash of Tabasco Chipotle sauce
1 splash of Worchestershire sauce
Crushed guajillo chilies or ancho chilies
1 bacon slice, skewered and broiled until crispy
Stir together clamato, vodka, horseradish, tabasco, worchestershire and juice of half the lime. Grab a highball glass and rim with the other half of the lime. Rub the rim in the chilies and kosher salt. Fill with ice, top with bloody mary and use the bacon as a swizzle stick. You are fucking welcome.
Serve with: Jumbo Shrimp Cocktail with Green Goddess Dressing
Old Fashioned Hand Job (A Spicy Old Fashioned with DGK Love)
1 c. of sugar
1 c. of water
1 cinnamon stick
1 star anise pod
2 whole allspice berries
2 oz. of bourbon
2-3 dashes of Angostura bitters
1 orange peel
1 Morello cherry
1 sexy ass skewer and a rocks glass of heft (good enough to throw and cause damage and/or a mild concussion)
Put sugar, water, cinnamon, star anise, cloves and allspice in a pot and bring to a boil. Cool to room temperature and then chill. Strain spices and voila, you now have spiced simple syrup.
In a shaker, add ice, 2 tbs. of the spiced simple syrup, bourbon, bitters and orange peel. Shake and pour into the rocks glass. Toss in the Morello cherry and sip every last bit of that potent orgasm in a glass.
Serve with: Angels on Horseback (great with oysters or scallops) or Devils on Horseback (prunes!)…or have a threesome. We won’t judge.
The Bee Sting (Better than a classic Bee’s Knees)
1 c. of brown sugar
1 c. of water
4 sprigs of rosemary
2 oz. of gin
1 tbs. of lemon juice
a splash of American Honey liqueur
twist of lemon and sprig of rosemary for garnish
Put sugar, water and rosemary in a pot and bring to a boil. Cool to room temperature and chill. Strain out rosemary.
Mix 1 tbs. of the rosemary simple syrup you’ve made with 2 oz. of gin, lemon juice, American Honey and ice in a cocktail shaker. Strain in an old school champagne saucer and garnish with lemon twist and rosemary. Sip until your garters start to slip! Hiccup!
Serve with: Modernized balls! Cheese balls that is…Sundried Tomato and Feta with Pine Nuts, Blue Cheese with Walnuts and Pomegranate Seeds, and Goat Cheese with Lemon and Herbs
The Filthy Pirate Hooker (A Gingery Daquiri of the Gods)
2 oz. of spiced rum
1 oz. of Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur
1 oz. of key lime juice
1 oz. of Cointreau
splash of ginger ale
Shake together rum, Domaine de Canton, key lime juice and cointreau in a shaker with ice. Pour in a highball glass and top with ginger ale (or alcoholic ginger ale to make it extra fucking dirty).
Serve with: Hot Cheese Olives – we like to do the classic version with black olives, or use fancy Spanish green olives with a smoked cheddar and a dash of chipotle flakes in the dough.