Dirty Dishes #2 – A Date with Raul the Roast, Holiday Survival, How to Save Money on Booze and Profane Food Shenanigans

A Date with Raul: Spiced Beef (or Pork) Tenderloin with Chipotle Hollandaise

1 beef tenderloin, around 5 lbs.
3 tbs. ancho chili powder
2 tbs. of olive oil
1 tbs. ground cumin
1 tsp. oregano
1/2 tsp. cinnamon
2 cloves of garlic, minced
zest of an orange
1 c. of beef stock
1 bottle of Mexican beer (Negro Modelo or Pacifico work well)
2 bay leaves
1 chipotle in adobo (use half for less kick)
1 cl. of garlic, minced
2 egg yolks
3 tsp. of sherry vinegar
1 tsp. of salt
1 stick of butter

Preheat oven to 400.  Grab your hunk of meat and get your S&M on, tying with kitchen twine every 2 inches of length.  Your tenderloin should be compact and ready to roll in spice action.  Massage the tenderloin with the chili powder, olive oil, cumin, oregano, cinnamon, garlic and orange, getting in there so deep that all that’s missing is a happy ending.  Place the tenderloin on a rack over a roasting pan.  Pour your beef stock, beer and bay leaves in the bottom of the pan above the tenderloin.  Roast in the oven for 25 minutes for mooing (how Cass and Eve like it), 30 mins for medium rare (the way to please the masses, or 35 minutes for medium.  Remove from the oven and let the tenderloin take a break.

Make your hollandaise while the meat is resting. Add the chipotle pepper, garlic, egg yolks, sherry vinegar and the salt to a blender.  Blitz to combine in a fury of sexy heat.  In a microwave safe bowl, melt your butter in the microwave (should take a little under a minute).  While the butter is still hot, turn the blender on and open the hopper in the cover (the little hole in the center to feed ingredients into the blender).  Carefully stream the hot butter into the hole until a thick sauce forms – the hot melted butter cooks the egg yolks and forms a zesty hollandaise rich enough to lather all over your face.  You know you want to.

Slice the tenderloin and drizzle with a little of the boozy cooking juices on the bottom of the roasting pan. drag through pools of the spicy hollandaise with finely manicured fingers.  Eat like a total barbarian without a fucking fork, knife or plate, because you slow down for no one.

Fire Crotch Cocktail: Habanero Blood Orange Mimosa

1 dash of habanero hot sauce
2 oz. blood orange juice
5 oz. of your fave bubbles (champagne, cava, prosecco)

Put a dash of hot sauce in the bottom of the champagne flute.  Add the blood orange juice, swirl, and then top with the bubbles.  Sip like a goddamn vixen.